Cardboard and Platitudes

I have had just about enough of this house bullshit

This has been a disaster since day one. They said it would be delayed because of FEMA and would arrive two months later than usual. Fine, we expected it on December 17th. Then they called and delayed it again. It arrived after three days of rain and warm temperatures on the Thursday after Christmas. The morning it arrived the dealer's mother died.
It got stuck in the mud.
It got stuck in the middle of the road.
It took all day and our neighbor's logging truck to get it into the driveway.

Then we looked inside.

Almost all of one of the kinds of paneling had huge gashes in them some of which had been covered with some kind of sticky goo similar to the color of the paneling. It looked horrible. Also the paneling in the bathroom was half upside down and half right side up. The backsplash in the kitchen was so warped that it was two inches from the wall at one end and the kitchen floor wouldn't stay down. The company said that they would send someone out to fix it as soon as we had it on site and level with the heat and electric hooked up. When the ground finally froze in early January, we managed to actually get it on site.

The weather was not very cooperative and it took a week or so to get everything level and tied down. The electric and gas were hooked up and the heat worked, for about a day. We called them anyway and they came out to work on all the things that were wrong in the place. We got the heater fixed (they sprayed insulation into the fan for the furnace so it burnt itself out). First one guy came out, then two, then three. The first guy went back about a week ago and they said they would be done soon.

Last Friday they said that they would be back Tuesday and would finish up Tuesday or Wednesday. They didn't come back Tuesday or Wednesday. We called the company and they said they would definitely be here today. Well they are here but there isn't any way that they will finish today.

Tomorrow they might finish but this is getting ridiculous. I have packed and unpacked so many times since September when we ordered this thing. I am just so sick of this bullshit. I can't even pack anything else because I have nowhere to move my stuff to and no idea when I might be able to move it. I have off from work this weekend and I was hoping to move in then but I don't think that is going to work. I just want it to be over. I am so sick of and bullshit from corporate headquarters.

I just want my house.

Trepidation is the word of the day.

I am told that I will be able to really start moving everthing over to my new place this week. I am excited, really excited, but I am also really worried. I am a pretty chickenshit person. I am not sure how well I will do staying in a house with no one else in it. I have never spent any length of time living alone. There has always been another person living in the same building. I lived at school for a year, but I was sharing an apartment with three other girls. It didn't bother me at all when they weren't home because I knew that there were people above and below and just down the hall from me. In England it was similar. There were other people in the building all the time because it was a dorm. Even when I went to Glasgow by myself, I stayed in a hostel and there were other people in the same room, let alone the building. That was a little strange in itself but I was "other Jessy" for that weekend anyway so I dealt with it fairly well.

There have only been a handful of times I have been completely alone in a building at night. My parents don't really go anywhere very often and it is even less often that they go somewhere at the same time. There have probably been only a handful of nights that they have been gone that I have been home since my brother moved out three years ago. On those nights, I have usually slept on the couch, or practically forced my dog to sleep in my room. I know that I can take the dog with me for the first few weeks but I doubt that she will want to stay there for very long. She is very attached to my father and would miss him if she lived with me.

I feel pretty pathetic, 24 years old and I am not comfortable being alone in the house overnight. Even more pathetic that my uncle lives next door and my parents are across the street. I guess it is just that I don't have much experience with being alone in a building.

But now that I think about it, how many people really do? Especially young people. When you are a kid, you live with your parents. Most parents don't just leave their kids alone overnight until they are teens. Most teens even go to a friend's house when their parents go away. At most they would be home alone for just a few days. Then you go away to college. You are most likely in a dorm, usually with a roomate. Dorms are filled with people. Even on holidays when most people go home, there are still three or four who stay, and also RAs and such around. You might also get an apartment, but the same rules apply there. You may or maynot have a roomate but there are always downstairs or upstairs or nextdoor neighbors around you. Few young people have the money to rent or buy a house on their own. So there is almost always a housemate or partner involved. As much as I would like it, my boyfriend and I are probably not going to be living together for quite a while. So, from sometime next week until whenever we actually do move in together, I am stuck living alone. Most people don't live alone until they are either divorced, or a spouse dies. There are a rare few who choose to live alone, but that is their own choice.

Trepidation is the word of the day because I chose to live alone without really understanding what that means. I guess I'd better get used to it.

I love clouds

The sky was so beautiful the other day that I had to pull my camera out while in my car to take a picture of it. This was taken through my windshield at the off ramp on exit 12 on 80. The whole sky looked like a warm, nubby wool felt blanket. Like a blanket fort when grandma came over to babysit and moved a few dining room chairs and put a blanket over it and it was all warm and snug in your blankie fortress of solitude. It was as if the whole world was wrapped in a warm soft blanket, through which the soft light of grandma's living room shone through. I love clouds.

I suppose that is enough of that. I should probably get out of my own blankie fortress of solitude and face the day.