Far Too Happy
I am far too happy right now. I am so happy I haven't felt the need to blog. The Boy I have been seeing, refered to hereafter as Boy, and I are very happy together. It is like he is the other half of my brain... odd. I must admit that he is about as big a dork as I am if not slightly more so. He is a Math person, odd too. I love spending time with him, even if we haven't got anything to do. I am so happy I can hardly think. Not good when you are graduating in 25 days.
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Monday, April 12, 2004
Sunday, February 29, 2004
Leaving reality
I am so not sure why i am blogging this. I went out on friday night with someone i have a lot of fun with. We stayed out past the point of logical thinking and Silly took over. In retrospect I am not sure if I am glad that happened or not. I truely don't think I want involvement with anyone at this point, yet I did really have a lot of fun. Rationalising that it was just friendly sort of fun is not working very well. I think part of me is angry at the rest of me for not going home when I could have. I think part of me is shocked that I let my self have as much fun as I did. I think part of me wishes that I hadn't gone at all. Part of me wants to continue having fun and taking fun where ever I can find it. Part of me wants this to be something more than fun. Part of me is shocked that I just typed that. Most of me is shocked that I am blogging this here. Most of me is what the hell am I doing. And I just don't know which part of me to listen to. Somehow I think this is a bad idea all around but that won't shut up the parts that just like to have fun. feh
I am so not sure why i am blogging this. I went out on friday night with someone i have a lot of fun with. We stayed out past the point of logical thinking and Silly took over. In retrospect I am not sure if I am glad that happened or not. I truely don't think I want involvement with anyone at this point, yet I did really have a lot of fun. Rationalising that it was just friendly sort of fun is not working very well. I think part of me is angry at the rest of me for not going home when I could have. I think part of me is shocked that I let my self have as much fun as I did. I think part of me wishes that I hadn't gone at all. Part of me wants to continue having fun and taking fun where ever I can find it. Part of me wants this to be something more than fun. Part of me is shocked that I just typed that. Most of me is shocked that I am blogging this here. Most of me is what the hell am I doing. And I just don't know which part of me to listen to. Somehow I think this is a bad idea all around but that won't shut up the parts that just like to have fun. feh
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
I am hoping that this apathy towards my Psych class is not a repeat of last semester's total apathy. I have a paper due tonight at 6:30 and it isn't done yet. This is bad. I keep telling myself "later, later" but I know that I really should just do it now. Alex doesn't really help. She kidnapped me last night to meet her bf which I was very happy to do but it still took time. feh
Monday, February 09, 2004
Such a Geek
Such a Geek
I have realized how much I miss playing game. I spent saturday night hanging out at Drew with a bunch of gamers making a tabletop werewolf character. I realized how much I miss the silliness and intellectuallity that comes with spending time with other geeks. It is boggling that I can make an offhand comment about Spice from Dune and everyone will understand. Even more exciting is that others will make such a comment before I. And they smile when I giggle and show that I get it. That is only one tiny example of the joy that I feel when in a geek induced high. No chemicals required. Just a couple of geeks, some crazy ecclectic music and a few White Wolf books. It is a wonderful feeling and I can't wait until I can play on a regular basis. Which I will hopefully soon now that I have a Tengu character to play! (It is a Japanese were-raven!) tee hee!
Now all this talk about geekdom has me itching to revamp this format. no pun intended ;)
I have realized how much I miss playing game. I spent saturday night hanging out at Drew with a bunch of gamers making a tabletop werewolf character. I realized how much I miss the silliness and intellectuallity that comes with spending time with other geeks. It is boggling that I can make an offhand comment about Spice from Dune and everyone will understand. Even more exciting is that others will make such a comment before I. And they smile when I giggle and show that I get it. That is only one tiny example of the joy that I feel when in a geek induced high. No chemicals required. Just a couple of geeks, some crazy ecclectic music and a few White Wolf books. It is a wonderful feeling and I can't wait until I can play on a regular basis. Which I will hopefully soon now that I have a Tengu character to play! (It is a Japanese were-raven!) tee hee!
Now all this talk about geekdom has me itching to revamp this format. no pun intended ;)
Saturday, February 07, 2004
revelation
Revelation
I have decided to change the title of my blog. "Mindnumbingly Silly" just doesn't seem right any more. I wonder if that is part of why I haven't been updating... probably not. It is mostly because I was depressed and am very lazy.
I am not sure why I feel the need to do this now... It just seems like the right time. The problem is i am not sure exactly what to call it. strange.
blossom opening
dewdrops sparkle in sunlight
a revelation
I just thought of this haiku while trying to think of a title... I think I might use "a revelation" as a title for the moment. It seems to fit.
I have decided to change the title of my blog. "Mindnumbingly Silly" just doesn't seem right any more. I wonder if that is part of why I haven't been updating... probably not. It is mostly because I was depressed and am very lazy.
I am not sure why I feel the need to do this now... It just seems like the right time. The problem is i am not sure exactly what to call it. strange.
blossom opening
dewdrops sparkle in sunlight
a revelation
I just thought of this haiku while trying to think of a title... I think I might use "a revelation" as a title for the moment. It seems to fit.
I decided to re-take this quiz since I am in a very different mental place than I was when I took it the first time. Interesting how similar and yet different it turned out.
I Am A: Neutral Good Half-Elf Ranger Druid
Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.
Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.
Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.
Secondary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.
Deity:
Mielikki is the Neutral Good goddess of the forest and autumn. She is also known as the Lady of the Forest, and is the Patron of Rangers. Her followers are devoted to nature, and believe in the positive and outreaching elements of it. They use light armor, and a variety of weapons suitable for hunting, which they are quite skilled at. Mielikki's symbol is a unicorn head.
Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of
NeppyMan (e-mail)
I Am A: Neutral Good Half-Elf Ranger Druid
Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.
Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.
Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.
Secondary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.
Deity:
Mielikki is the Neutral Good goddess of the forest and autumn. She is also known as the Lady of the Forest, and is the Patron of Rangers. Her followers are devoted to nature, and believe in the positive and outreaching elements of it. They use light armor, and a variety of weapons suitable for hunting, which they are quite skilled at. Mielikki's symbol is a unicorn head.
Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of
NeppyMan (e-mail)
Long Time No Blog
yeah haven't blogged anything worth mentioning in a while, even though there were lots of things worth mentioning that happened to me. The last three months (gad has it been that long) have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me but I think I have finally gotten off and started to walk on level ground. As I turn around and look at the track, I notice that there really were more ups than downs, more highs than lows and I am almost sad to be leaving those highs behind. Then I see how steeply some of those tracks drop after the best of the highs and I remember how lows the lows really were and I am glad to be standing firmly (for the most part) on the ground. I don't know quite why or how I got off, but I am glad I did. I know that there are a few very important people who helped me unbuckle my restraints and get out of the seat. Thank you, you know who you are and I am forever grateful.
Now I am back on a reasonably level plane. I am still in the "vicarious" stage relationship-wise and though I am not looking to change that right now, I am not going to push away someone who wants to be a part of my life the way that I would have several weeks ago. I only have a little more time here at school and that is kind of exciting but even more scary. I don't know what I want to do or where I want to go. I know I don't want to stay "here" but don't ask me where here is or where there is that I want to be. I don't know what I want, but I think I am almost to the point where I have convinced myself that that is really OK. I don't have to know what I want just yet. I just need to DO something. Something different. Which is easily identified as anything that is not what I am doing right now. That isn't too hard. right.
The important people in my life have pretty much settled a bit too. There is not as much angst now. I am definitely glad. I love listening to my friends and I love listening to my HAPPY friends even more. I think they have managed to convince me that no matter what happens they won't disappear. It is one of the things I am most afraid of. And even as much as I believe them, I know that there are somethings you can't prevent. I lost one of my childhood friends recently. She had a brain annurism and just died suddenly. You can't know when something horrible is going to happen and so you just have to make the most of the time that you are given. I realize that I sound like a bad soapopera or something but I don't care.
Everything in Life is important. I just need to prioritize. Right now my goals are to complete this semester without screwing up, Have some fun with some friends in the process, and to quit stressing about the future. it will get here when it gets here and I can deal with what comes when it comes. That is what Life is.
Now I really should get back to the conversation I was having before I felt the need to blog.
yeah haven't blogged anything worth mentioning in a while, even though there were lots of things worth mentioning that happened to me. The last three months (gad has it been that long) have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me but I think I have finally gotten off and started to walk on level ground. As I turn around and look at the track, I notice that there really were more ups than downs, more highs than lows and I am almost sad to be leaving those highs behind. Then I see how steeply some of those tracks drop after the best of the highs and I remember how lows the lows really were and I am glad to be standing firmly (for the most part) on the ground. I don't know quite why or how I got off, but I am glad I did. I know that there are a few very important people who helped me unbuckle my restraints and get out of the seat. Thank you, you know who you are and I am forever grateful.
Now I am back on a reasonably level plane. I am still in the "vicarious" stage relationship-wise and though I am not looking to change that right now, I am not going to push away someone who wants to be a part of my life the way that I would have several weeks ago. I only have a little more time here at school and that is kind of exciting but even more scary. I don't know what I want to do or where I want to go. I know I don't want to stay "here" but don't ask me where here is or where there is that I want to be. I don't know what I want, but I think I am almost to the point where I have convinced myself that that is really OK. I don't have to know what I want just yet. I just need to DO something. Something different. Which is easily identified as anything that is not what I am doing right now. That isn't too hard. right.
The important people in my life have pretty much settled a bit too. There is not as much angst now. I am definitely glad. I love listening to my friends and I love listening to my HAPPY friends even more. I think they have managed to convince me that no matter what happens they won't disappear. It is one of the things I am most afraid of. And even as much as I believe them, I know that there are somethings you can't prevent. I lost one of my childhood friends recently. She had a brain annurism and just died suddenly. You can't know when something horrible is going to happen and so you just have to make the most of the time that you are given. I realize that I sound like a bad soapopera or something but I don't care.
Everything in Life is important. I just need to prioritize. Right now my goals are to complete this semester without screwing up, Have some fun with some friends in the process, and to quit stressing about the future. it will get here when it gets here and I can deal with what comes when it comes. That is what Life is.
Now I really should get back to the conversation I was having before I felt the need to blog.
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