Long Time No Blog

yeah haven't blogged anything worth mentioning in a while, even though there were lots of things worth mentioning that happened to me. The last three months (gad has it been that long) have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me but I think I have finally gotten off and started to walk on level ground. As I turn around and look at the track, I notice that there really were more ups than downs, more highs than lows and I am almost sad to be leaving those highs behind. Then I see how steeply some of those tracks drop after the best of the highs and I remember how lows the lows really were and I am glad to be standing firmly (for the most part) on the ground. I don't know quite why or how I got off, but I am glad I did. I know that there are a few very important people who helped me unbuckle my restraints and get out of the seat. Thank you, you know who you are and I am forever grateful.

Now I am back on a reasonably level plane. I am still in the "vicarious" stage relationship-wise and though I am not looking to change that right now, I am not going to push away someone who wants to be a part of my life the way that I would have several weeks ago. I only have a little more time here at school and that is kind of exciting but even more scary. I don't know what I want to do or where I want to go. I know I don't want to stay "here" but don't ask me where here is or where there is that I want to be. I don't know what I want, but I think I am almost to the point where I have convinced myself that that is really OK. I don't have to know what I want just yet. I just need to DO something. Something different. Which is easily identified as anything that is not what I am doing right now. That isn't too hard. right.

The important people in my life have pretty much settled a bit too. There is not as much angst now. I am definitely glad. I love listening to my friends and I love listening to my HAPPY friends even more. I think they have managed to convince me that no matter what happens they won't disappear. It is one of the things I am most afraid of. And even as much as I believe them, I know that there are somethings you can't prevent. I lost one of my childhood friends recently. She had a brain annurism and just died suddenly. You can't know when something horrible is going to happen and so you just have to make the most of the time that you are given. I realize that I sound like a bad soapopera or something but I don't care.

Everything in Life is important. I just need to prioritize. Right now my goals are to complete this semester without screwing up, Have some fun with some friends in the process, and to quit stressing about the future. it will get here when it gets here and I can deal with what comes when it comes. That is what Life is.

Now I really should get back to the conversation I was having before I felt the need to blog.